Joe

Exactly one week ago I lost my best friend, my soul-mate, my everything; Joe. He was taken out of this world by a random act of violence in New Orleans while serving in AmeriCorps NCCC. 

Joe was everything I wanted in a man and more. He was sexy, funny, compassionate, forgiving, generous, respectful and every other good quality imaginable. 

He treated me like an absolute princess, every single day. 

He would find me in the hall after a shower and tell me how beautiful he thought I was. 

On the very last night we spent together, we were laying in bed and he was telling me all the things he liked about me. Me, being my insecure self, disagreed, and he got upset. Then he pulled me to the mirror and showed me how beautiful I am. 

Anytime I was in a bad mood, he would hold me and tell me that everything would be alright because he would take care of it, and he did. 

He constantly stood up for me when someone would say anything but nice things to me, even if they were joking. 

He was an amazing kisser. 

His personality was so huge and happy, everyone knew him and everyone loved him. 

On cold nights, he would rather wear nothing than watch me shiver. 

All if these things, AND MORE, I learned after only knowing him for a couple of days. We may have only known each other for 2 months, but it didn't matter. We cared about each other more than anyone else. Whenever I was with him, I was filled with happiness. The way he looked at me melted me. I loved him with every ounce of my being, and I just wish I could tell him that again. 

I'm so grateful to have so many beautiful memories with Joe.

He made my life a living fairy tale. A fairy tale that should have continued.

I miss him more every day. But I know that he is being taken care of wherever he is, because he deserves it more than anyone I know. Joe touched the life of everyone he met and I know he is being missed by thousands.

Weekend in Washingtonnnnn

always back to that feeling.

Sometimes that's okay, most times it isn't. To go back, I mean.
One day you are just going along, loving life, being happy.
The next you're forced back to the past, unhappy with too many thoughts, in the arms of a stranger that you know.
All I know now, is that I wish I could rewind the weekend.
Take it back a couple of days and figure things out.
Make it different.
That way, I wouldn't have this terrible thought looming in my once free mind.
And. . . if only I could make things right for those who are getting hurt.
They don't know how badly they are getting hurt, but of course, I do.
It's kept somewhat of a secret.
A deathly secret.
Whenever I feel this way, I sleep a lot.
Because more sleep means less thinking.
Unless I dream. . .
That's why I slept for 12 hours last night.
These are the feelings that make me want to leave today.
Get on a plane and leave it all behind.

But what I really need to do is shake it off.

Because, when you look at my life, it is still really amazing and happy.

And I am leaving in about 2 months, which is crazy.

So, I have to live it up.

I can't let this one person get me down, like always.

I have to make this about me.

Me.

and only me.

Something I can never do, but I am going to try incredibly hard to do just that.

My best friend is in town!

And that's enough to make me happy for a lifetime.

Anyways, here is a cute pic:

4

guess who comes home in four dayssssssssss!!!!!!

9 DAYSSS

WARNING: THIS IS ALL I AM GOING TO BE ABLE TO BLOG ABOUT FOR THE NEXT MONTH!

prepare yourself for the best news of the entire existence of my life. . . 

but seriously, be ready. . . 

MY BEST FRIEND IS COMING HOME FROM COLLEGE IN LIKE 9 DAYSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that is all.

have a nice day.

carry on. 

<3 

I hope this is just a stage.

I miss everything and everyone. Growing up is really hard and I just want to pause it.
I miss people I didn't ever think I would even miss.
I miss always having something to do on a Friday night.
I miss good morning texts.
I miss singing in choir.
I miss voice lessons.
I miss seeing my friends at school everyday.
I miss spontaneous acts.
I miss talking to someone all the time.
I miss jamming out to music in our cars.
I miss going to the park.
I miss talking to humans.
ewklfjheurhkwlslhdsrfguwa,
I miss it all.

I guess my life just needs something new so I have nothing to miss.
Because as I am now, I don't like it.
My mom is worried that I am really super depressed.
And, I am too.
I just want someone to miss me back.
Please?

Success!

Nicks party went really well! It seemed like everyone had a really great time and the people that showed up were fantastic. Gotta love great friends. Here are some snap shots from the party! You can find some more on my Facebook too! I was being a total creep with my camera. . . so yeah, some are pretty weird.

Catchin bugs with a cup and marshmallow creme! 

Goodbyes.

After you graduate high school, goodbyes become an everyday type of thing. First, you say goodbye to the school, your teachers, and underclassmen, but then, slowly and then all at once, everyone starts leaving.

I am terrible at dealing with goodbyes (which I realized my last day of high school) because I CRY SO MUCH!

The past month has been the hardest though. I have been faced with the harsh reality that everyone eventually leaves, you lose touch, and you cry A LOT. About three weeks ago the flood started. A trickle of people were leaving; going to college, in the army/military/navy, or just moving. And now, here we are in the beginning of September, where the downpour of goodbyes has gone crazy.

Although I have been saying goodbye for the past three months and it has been hard, I am now being forced to say goodbye to my closest, most special friends.

It started with Sydney, she left about three weeks ago, AND IS BACK FOR A VISIT :D :

Today is the day. The day where my best friend of 13 YEARS and I must say goodbye. There is no better friendship then ours, we have been through everything together. Never fighting, never alone. I have been so blessed to have such a great friend to share everything with and just because she is moving to Nampa, don't expect anything to change! Friendships like this only come once in a lifetime and ours will never end! It's been a great journey and I know there is so much more in store for us! "Because I knew you, I have been changed for good." ♥

 And I made her this super depressing collage that I posted on Facebook for the world to see! I am having a little easier of a time with Sydney leaving because I can visit her all the time, because Nampa is only 2 hours away. And I am allowed to drive there all alone.

BUTTT, tomorrow morning. . . Kable leaves :'( The reason why Kable leaving is so hard is because he is going 9 hours away and only planning on coming home for Christmas.

Well everyone, here we go... KABLE IS LEAVING ME!!!!! Anyways, you all know how inseparable we are, so this is a tough one. But I am so excited for this kid to go be a star and for me to be his stylist! Thanks for all the fun:) I can't wait to see you at Christmas! I love you Boo Boo! ♥

I just want to thank the two of you for changing my life. I know it sounds so cheesy, but you seriously have. We have been through IT ALL together. We have cried, laughed, screamed, cheered, graduated, ect., together. Forever. It is really rare that you find such genuine friendships in high school, but ours is as real and strong as it gets. I can't wait to see where life takes each of us, but I know we will always go back to being as good of friends as we are now. I love you both so much. Good luck and kick some butt!!!

“We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everyhwere.”
― Tim McGraw

Okay, anyways, I cannot write anymore about this because it is making me really sad! :( I wish the best for them. And I can't wait until I leave!!!