They tell me I'm {beautiful}

Going into Americorps there was a lot I didn't know. A LOT.

But one thing I defintely did not know, was that my confidence would be sky rocketing.

Complete strangers tell me I am beautiful.

They tell me I am beautiful when I haven't even tried.

They tell me I am beautiful every day. 

And the reason they do it is not because they feel like they have to, but because they want to. 

The word beautiful has never been said to me this many times by virtual strangers.

I don't know what I did to deserve this sort of princess treatment.

The people of Americorps NCCC are special, lovely people that I wouldn't be happy without. 

The people are what makes the program so enjoyable.

Amanda and Taylor. My girls. My support.

Destine to be BFFs since we first Facebooked! <3

My main boys. George and Brendyn.

Matt. Teammate and awesome friend.

Some of my favorites before a night out in Vicksburg.

Nick. The best hugger EVER

Joe. <3 <3 <3 

Katelyn! The first person I met in the airport. Sweetest girl ever.

Class 19. The best class ever. Love them all.

arrival in the new place

Hey everyone, I have finally made it to my destionation in Vicksburg, Mississippi.

The first couple of days have been emotional, hectic, fun, and insanely tireing.

The feeling of homesickness is not fun. Let me tell you.

And I am only 3 days in.

Even though I know this is good and all, I am scared, worried, and also, sick.

I will keep everybody updated with what I am doing as soon as I start the fun things.

So far it has been all classwork, paperwork, and SHOTS.

I have met some really cool people though, so that's awesome.

flight itineraries & three days.

Although I am leaving in a mere three days, I have just barley received my flight information.

They like to keep ya on your toes, I guess!

I am very excited to start this adventure and boarding three different planes in one day.

Twin Falls -- Salt Lake -- Dallas -- Jackson -- Vicksburg

And even though I am feeling sad, happy, a little bit frustrated, and a lotta unpreparedness, I know that everything is going to work out. 

And since I do only have three days, I am going to make them the most stupendous three days ever.

Starting right after 4 p.m. today.

I hope that I find time to see each lovely face of my closest friends.

I am going to try my very hardest.

And ready or not

Monday will come

I will jump on that plane

then another

then another

and make it to Mississippi

where my dreams will be realized

and my passion will be renewed

I can't wait.

When you're about to leave...

you realize who really cares about you
and who doesn't
you talk to new people
you feel alone even in a crowded room
you realize how much you have yet to do
you make 500 lists
you wish it was tomorrow or a year from now
you get stressed out
you cry over everything
you hug your mom all the time
you start packing early
you scramble to get everything done
you feel like you'll never make it
you research everything
you get really excited


it all depends on the day.
but moving on, leaving, changing...
are all good things.
and i am ready.

705 to 366

Sometimes you just have to make changes.

Even if they are little things like deleting cyber friends.

And then you'll feel so much better, somehow.

Or you'll feel like maybe you shouldn't have deleted someone but it would be awkward to add them back... 

Well, I had 705 friends and now I'm down to 366.

Refreshing. 

the past little while.

the past two weeks have been the best time, practically, ever.

 And I want to tell you all about it, 

but I don't want to bore you. 

So, in picture form, the past couple of weeks have been like this. 

to start things off, MY BEST FRIEND CAME HOME!!!!

Christmas Eve. Sister Love.

Christmas Day we went to Les Mis with a ton of fiends.

My other best friend came home, and we played in the snow :)

I had an absolutely amazing night with best friends. Before we went to Chilies Friday, we had a mini photoshoot.

At Chilies we met up with a few other friends and my boyfriend.
Who isn't really my boyfriend.
But I pretend he is.
And that we have been dating for like 7 months.
He's okay with this.
Chase, btw. :)

After Chilies we went to my house and watched Pitch Perfect.
Always Pitch Perfect.

Next adventure was CSI basketball watching with my faves.

After the game, we got in the car and drove to Jack in the Box ( I know, ew)
But I ate my first bite of beef in 4 YEARS!
Big deal.
I felt sick.

And next came New Years Eve.
Which was possible the best night ever.
I spent it with so many people, and I just wish I had taken more pictures.
We went party hopping and saw a ton of old friends.
At midnight, I kissed Kable... because he is my best friend and there is no better person :) 

That about sums up the amazingness of my life.

At least my favorite moments.

Everyday was full, exciting, and fun. 

So blessed with amazing people. 

<3 

left unsaid...

I realized that maybe, okay, definitely, I left some of 2012 out.
And although it is now the 2nd, which apparently isn't as cool as the 1st, I am still going to spill the beans.

Last year was, and will forever be, one of the hardest years of my life. Every body is saying that, I know. But I feel as though you should know why 2012 was the worst year.

It all started about this time one year ago. Things were happening with my friends that caused me many sleepless nights, tears shed, many worries, and deep sorrows. But since that is not my story to tell, I wont.
Throughout the next few months, I was hurt over and over again by friends and first loves. Hurt, but not entirely broken.

Fast forward to graduation time. I was having a really hard time with that. Because, I was afraid of change, I didn't know what I was doing with my life, I wanted to stay in high school forever. Wanted to... just for clarification. Also, one week before graduation my parents were going through a tough time with business things that our family was stressed and worried every day. Annnd, I learned a secret about my father that I will never forget, and that did, even though I deny it, hurt me a little. For him, I won't share that secret.

Summer was different, as everyone was moving, changing, blah blah blah.

Because of the business issues I mentioned earlier, my mom was forced to resign from her job, and open her new business. Which was stressful, insane, but so dang worth it.

Then. Here we go. July 23, 2012, two weeks before the prospective opening date of my mom's new office. The day I found out the most life changing, terrifying news of my life. My mother, my beautiful, healthy, strong mother, was diagnosed with breast cancer. She told us that nothing in 'our family was going to change', she was 'going to be alright', and 'I love you, I love you, I love you.' That day, July 23, 2012 was my worst day. One week later she was taken into surgery. As my family sat in the waiting room, we all looked like the life had been taken straight out of our eyes. After a couple of hours we were told she was out of surgery and we would be able to see her soon. The date of her surgery was August 1, 2012.

Just to start this off, you should know that my mom is the strongest person in the entire world. Four days, yes four days after her surgery, she opened her office. August 6, 2012. Which was scary, insane, exciting, and nerve racking all together.

During the time of all this was my major turning point. When something is sprung upon you that is literally life or death, you realize just how much you have. Just how many people care. And just how much you love your family.

It was at that stage in my life where I stopped to realize the greatness that surrounded my life. But also the time in my life where I got more depressed than anything.

The next and last months of 2012 came and went as I thought about life and it's values every single day. Life is the most precious gift ever given, and if you are reading this, you are so incredibly lucky. At times we all forget the big picture, focus on the bad, and sulk, but we all need to stop. Life. is. great.

2013. That's whats next. And we are all going to take it as it comes and enjoy every moment of it, because you never know what the next day holds.

one million memories.

Even though 2012 was probably the most challenging and hard year yet, it made me 10X stronger. I learned so much about myself, my family, and my friends. I made new relationships, lost some old, and made some ultimately stronger. I spent 2012 with the most amazing people on this planet. I just want to thank each and every person involved for making my life the special story it is. I wouldn't trade my life for any other. 

in 2012 I...

• GRADUATED
• made countless friends
• found myself
• went to my first concert
• started a blog
• ate beef for the first time since 8th grade
• enjoyed life
• took part in 2 stage productions
• got accepted into AmeriCorps
• met new people
• made 100 skype calls
• fell in love
• became happy
• said goodbye
• lost trust/gained trust
• smiled everyday
• had an amazing year
• spent the night in the hospital
• saw Les Mis on stage and in theaters
• got addicted to Pinterest
• took a billion pictures
• loved every second of it

201213

let's do this.

case-a-comin'

news, news, news.

I, Lindsey Nicole Mancari, have joined the rest of the world.

I got my first smart phone.

For Christmas.

And I don't know how to handle it. 

And of course, yesterday was amazing.

I feel so spoiled, not only with gifts, but with love.

I have such an amazing life. 

name change.

crazy beautiful life. 

inspired by the Ke$ha song.

my life.

ready for a change. 

Why?

because  I don't think my life is a mess anymore.

just crazy & beautiful.

so beautiful. 

I should prolly be a philosopher.

This morning I woke up with the greatest epiphany ever.

after realizing last night that the world is experiencing different days at different times.

(don't ask me why I forgot about that)

it came to me.

 it is already 12.21.2012 in other countries.

and I was am still alive.

holy goodness gracious.

I am sure that other people have probably already had this thought, 

but i didn't even read it anywhere and steal it.

I just woke with the thought.

yeah, i'm fairly legit.

always back to that feeling.

Sometimes that's okay, most times it isn't. To go back, I mean.
One day you are just going along, loving life, being happy.
The next you're forced back to the past, unhappy with too many thoughts, in the arms of a stranger that you know.
All I know now, is that I wish I could rewind the weekend.
Take it back a couple of days and figure things out.
Make it different.
That way, I wouldn't have this terrible thought looming in my once free mind.
And. . . if only I could make things right for those who are getting hurt.
They don't know how badly they are getting hurt, but of course, I do.
It's kept somewhat of a secret.
A deathly secret.
Whenever I feel this way, I sleep a lot.
Because more sleep means less thinking.
Unless I dream. . .
That's why I slept for 12 hours last night.
These are the feelings that make me want to leave today.
Get on a plane and leave it all behind.

But what I really need to do is shake it off.

Because, when you look at my life, it is still really amazing and happy.

And I am leaving in about 2 months, which is crazy.

So, I have to live it up.

I can't let this one person get me down, like always.

I have to make this about me.

Me.

and only me.

Something I can never do, but I am going to try incredibly hard to do just that.

My best friend is in town!

And that's enough to make me happy for a lifetime.

Anyways, here is a cute pic:

is it February yet?

 So, I know that literally 2 posts ago I was talking about Mississippi and how scared I was. was.

over the past couple of days, i have met most everyone who I will be going with! what, what?

and we have a facebook group.

where we all talk.

and it seems as though everyone likes the same things! what, what!?

This is where everyone is coming from.

obvi.

(sorry about the blurriness...)

then last night, we had an 85 comment post about video games, movies, and the end of the world.

it was so funny!

and it made me get really, really excited :D 

and then, one of the guys had this awesome idea to make videos of ourselves before we actually meet.

which I think is the coolest idea, ever.

I am sorry, but also not sorry, that I am sharing these conversations with you.

because I know they seem like everyday friend's conversations, 

I just met these people on Sunday. . . 

new faces, far away places.

As the days pass by and it gets closer to 2.11.2013, my mind has become more and more overwhelmed with thoughts, questions, worries. 

It's true, and I know this, that I over think every situation, ever.

But how could I not over think this one? I am about to make a courageous move in the game of life.

and all I can do is sit and wait and wonder.

Until 2.11.2013

the day I leave for Mississippi for 10 months.

and even though I know this will be an amazing journey, I can't help but to think that I will hate it.

One good thing though: over the past couple of days, I have met (via Facebook) about 6 people who are also going to Mississippi on 2.11.2013

my thoughts are going to keep escalating, I know that, but I am just hoping my excitement will too.

well about seventy days until I go. . . 

current obsession.

colored hair.

is it bad that I really really want extremely crazy colored hair?

There was a time many moons ago (okay, like 3 months ago)

that I started having a deep longing for appearence changes.

before that, I hadn't EVER died my hair. . .

or pierced any parts of my bod besides my lobes. . .

or worn extensions in my hair.

and now, i'm goin cray cray.

hair cray.

okay, so I would never have the guts to do an all over color like this. . . 

but she totally rocks it!

besides the hair. . . 

(which I will be dying) 

this is what else is to come. . .

eventually

okay yes, I am a little nuts. 

but hey, maybe this is my "rebellious" stage finally happening.

thank you, thank you, thank you.

I gave my blog the makeover it deserved!
I had never had my blog exactly how I wanted it, but now I do!
And I owe it all to my new friend over at Happiness is... (<<< check it out here)
Go check out her blog.
It is incredibly awesome and totally worth it.
I also added her button on my page if you want to check it out there!!!

Yay for new pretty blogs!
Yay for nice people!
Yay for good days!
:)

feels like change

Just to start things off, I would like to tell a little facty fact about me. I overreact. About everything. About thoughts, life, people, words, feelings, EVERYTHING. I overreact and forget to think about my actions before I let them control me. It's not good, but it's something I am really trying to work on. The first step is recognizing you have a problem, right? 

Change happened tonight. And it feels so good. I didn't ever share this with my blogland, but a month and a half ago, my best friend and I had a terrible falling out. Which consisted of me overreacting and him just being human. This caused us to completely turn off our friendship and act like we'd never met. But then, just a week ago, I reached out. . .sorta. I started off the small talk, which turned into missing each other. We made plans to have dinner together tonight, and it was like we were back to where we were a few months ago. Talking, laughing, and just getting a long. :D And let me tell you, I feel like an enormous weight has been lifted off of my heart. I know that things will take a little while for us to be best friends again, but it is so great to have him in my life.

A lesson for the wise: forgive all people for they most likely deserve it. There is nothing better that renewing a relationship that was once broken, nothing. Be a forgiving person, use your heart, and push forward.

So happy there are still understanding people in this world.

A night used to reunite with one of the most caring individuals I have ever met. I love you. 

a little lifted spirit

About 10 seconds ago (not exaggerating) I was looking through my past blog posts and realized something I find quite sad. I was reading back to the beginning of my blog and realized that my blog use to consist of happiness and motivation. But now, it lacks all of that, and has actually made a turn in the opposite direction  Let me tell you, I am not happy about that AT ALL.

Which is why, this is the start of something new. (channeling my High School Musical knowledge) There is so much I have to be happy and grateful for in my life, but I have been rudely looking past all of that and focusing on the bad. Why do we do that? I think it's a pretty typical thing for humans to do, especially Americans, but I want that to stop in my life. Have you ever noticed how good life really is?

My goodness, I just did. I was sitting here thinking about what's been happening in my life and what hasn't, when I realized that although so much has changed, it is okay. Everything is really, truly okay. Take yesterday for example: My mom came over to the house I am sitting and took me to get grocheries. She didn't have to, but she wanted to. Then she watched a movie with me. (We Bought  a Zoo, I completely recommend it). That is such a tiny thing, but why was I overlooking it?

Let me be the positive influence on all you blog readers. Everything is great. Count your blessings and move forward.

I can't help but smile today. :)

"Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end." --John Lennon

& sometimes feelings never change.

Isn't it odd how sometimes just when you think you've moved on, you're done, something just triggers the feelings again? Love in high school is never a good thing. Never. In fact, I usually tell my younger friends to be like me and stay completely single throughout high school. And although I am totally out of high school, the love started there.

Now, I know what you might be thinking. . . 'Love? In high school? Yeah right!'

But here's the kicker, I can't think of a single word to describe this besides the dreaded four letter word! (No, not that word!) So for a couple years now, I have been feeling pretty strong feelings for this guy (lame, I know), but the past little while, there's been nothing. I guess that could be because we hadn't talked? Or seen each other? Nada. But now, we're talking again, even hanging out, and what the heck!? It's like, everything just poured back all at once. NOT OKAY! Seriously. I need to stop, but how!?

Okay, breathe. Yes, I can do it. He treated you like crap, played you, and is currently playing like 20 girls. DO NOT DO IT!

Wow, I feel actually. . . a lot better. Blogging totally helps sometimes. Now let's see if I can put this into action. . . ready? GO!