flight itineraries & three days.

Although I am leaving in a mere three days, I have just barley received my flight information.

They like to keep ya on your toes, I guess!

I am very excited to start this adventure and boarding three different planes in one day.

Twin Falls -- Salt Lake -- Dallas -- Jackson -- Vicksburg

And even though I am feeling sad, happy, a little bit frustrated, and a lotta unpreparedness, I know that everything is going to work out. 

And since I do only have three days, I am going to make them the most stupendous three days ever.

Starting right after 4 p.m. today.

I hope that I find time to see each lovely face of my closest friends.

I am going to try my very hardest.

And ready or not

Monday will come

I will jump on that plane

then another

then another

and make it to Mississippi

where my dreams will be realized

and my passion will be renewed

I can't wait.

‎1 week. 7 days. 168 hours. 10,080 minutes. 604,800 seconds. Woah.

I leave in a week.

ONE WEEK.

and I can't even explain my feelings right now.

People ask me if I am excited.

I say yes.

People ask me if I am nervous.

I say yes. 

People ask me if I am ready.

I say yes.

People tell me not to go.

I say yes.

People tell me they are excited for me.

I say yes.

People tell me it will be a great experience.

I say yes.

I say yes becuase I don't know what else to feel.

I have no emotion about this.

I am excited, scared, nervous, ready, happy, sad, mad, overwhelmed, ect.

But how many feels can one girl feel? 

Apparently, a lot.

And in a week; hello new home. 

When you're about to leave...

you realize who really cares about you
and who doesn't
you talk to new people
you feel alone even in a crowded room
you realize how much you have yet to do
you make 500 lists
you wish it was tomorrow or a year from now
you get stressed out
you cry over everything
you hug your mom all the time
you start packing early
you scramble to get everything done
you feel like you'll never make it
you research everything
you get really excited


it all depends on the day.
but moving on, leaving, changing...
are all good things.
and i am ready.

the past little while.

the past two weeks have been the best time, practically, ever.

 And I want to tell you all about it, 

but I don't want to bore you. 

So, in picture form, the past couple of weeks have been like this. 

to start things off, MY BEST FRIEND CAME HOME!!!!

Christmas Eve. Sister Love.

Christmas Day we went to Les Mis with a ton of fiends.

My other best friend came home, and we played in the snow :)

I had an absolutely amazing night with best friends. Before we went to Chilies Friday, we had a mini photoshoot.

At Chilies we met up with a few other friends and my boyfriend.
Who isn't really my boyfriend.
But I pretend he is.
And that we have been dating for like 7 months.
He's okay with this.
Chase, btw. :)

After Chilies we went to my house and watched Pitch Perfect.
Always Pitch Perfect.

Next adventure was CSI basketball watching with my faves.

After the game, we got in the car and drove to Jack in the Box ( I know, ew)
But I ate my first bite of beef in 4 YEARS!
Big deal.
I felt sick.

And next came New Years Eve.
Which was possible the best night ever.
I spent it with so many people, and I just wish I had taken more pictures.
We went party hopping and saw a ton of old friends.
At midnight, I kissed Kable... because he is my best friend and there is no better person :) 

That about sums up the amazingness of my life.

At least my favorite moments.

Everyday was full, exciting, and fun. 

So blessed with amazing people. 

<3 

left unsaid...

I realized that maybe, okay, definitely, I left some of 2012 out.
And although it is now the 2nd, which apparently isn't as cool as the 1st, I am still going to spill the beans.

Last year was, and will forever be, one of the hardest years of my life. Every body is saying that, I know. But I feel as though you should know why 2012 was the worst year.

It all started about this time one year ago. Things were happening with my friends that caused me many sleepless nights, tears shed, many worries, and deep sorrows. But since that is not my story to tell, I wont.
Throughout the next few months, I was hurt over and over again by friends and first loves. Hurt, but not entirely broken.

Fast forward to graduation time. I was having a really hard time with that. Because, I was afraid of change, I didn't know what I was doing with my life, I wanted to stay in high school forever. Wanted to... just for clarification. Also, one week before graduation my parents were going through a tough time with business things that our family was stressed and worried every day. Annnd, I learned a secret about my father that I will never forget, and that did, even though I deny it, hurt me a little. For him, I won't share that secret.

Summer was different, as everyone was moving, changing, blah blah blah.

Because of the business issues I mentioned earlier, my mom was forced to resign from her job, and open her new business. Which was stressful, insane, but so dang worth it.

Then. Here we go. July 23, 2012, two weeks before the prospective opening date of my mom's new office. The day I found out the most life changing, terrifying news of my life. My mother, my beautiful, healthy, strong mother, was diagnosed with breast cancer. She told us that nothing in 'our family was going to change', she was 'going to be alright', and 'I love you, I love you, I love you.' That day, July 23, 2012 was my worst day. One week later she was taken into surgery. As my family sat in the waiting room, we all looked like the life had been taken straight out of our eyes. After a couple of hours we were told she was out of surgery and we would be able to see her soon. The date of her surgery was August 1, 2012.

Just to start this off, you should know that my mom is the strongest person in the entire world. Four days, yes four days after her surgery, she opened her office. August 6, 2012. Which was scary, insane, exciting, and nerve racking all together.

During the time of all this was my major turning point. When something is sprung upon you that is literally life or death, you realize just how much you have. Just how many people care. And just how much you love your family.

It was at that stage in my life where I stopped to realize the greatness that surrounded my life. But also the time in my life where I got more depressed than anything.

The next and last months of 2012 came and went as I thought about life and it's values every single day. Life is the most precious gift ever given, and if you are reading this, you are so incredibly lucky. At times we all forget the big picture, focus on the bad, and sulk, but we all need to stop. Life. is. great.

2013. That's whats next. And we are all going to take it as it comes and enjoy every moment of it, because you never know what the next day holds.

one million memories.

Even though 2012 was probably the most challenging and hard year yet, it made me 10X stronger. I learned so much about myself, my family, and my friends. I made new relationships, lost some old, and made some ultimately stronger. I spent 2012 with the most amazing people on this planet. I just want to thank each and every person involved for making my life the special story it is. I wouldn't trade my life for any other. 

in 2012 I...

• GRADUATED
• made countless friends
• found myself
• went to my first concert
• started a blog
• ate beef for the first time since 8th grade
• enjoyed life
• took part in 2 stage productions
• got accepted into AmeriCorps
• met new people
• made 100 skype calls
• fell in love
• became happy
• said goodbye
• lost trust/gained trust
• smiled everyday
• had an amazing year
• spent the night in the hospital
• saw Les Mis on stage and in theaters
• got addicted to Pinterest
• took a billion pictures
• loved every second of it

201213

let's do this.

I should prolly be a philosopher.

This morning I woke up with the greatest epiphany ever.

after realizing last night that the world is experiencing different days at different times.

(don't ask me why I forgot about that)

it came to me.

 it is already 12.21.2012 in other countries.

and I was am still alive.

holy goodness gracious.

I am sure that other people have probably already had this thought, 

but i didn't even read it anywhere and steal it.

I just woke with the thought.

yeah, i'm fairly legit.

for once.

this is all I want for Christmas, one thing. 

the one thing I know I shouldn't have.

and shouldn't ask for.

but the one thing I am dying for.

always back to that feeling.

Sometimes that's okay, most times it isn't. To go back, I mean.
One day you are just going along, loving life, being happy.
The next you're forced back to the past, unhappy with too many thoughts, in the arms of a stranger that you know.
All I know now, is that I wish I could rewind the weekend.
Take it back a couple of days and figure things out.
Make it different.
That way, I wouldn't have this terrible thought looming in my once free mind.
And. . . if only I could make things right for those who are getting hurt.
They don't know how badly they are getting hurt, but of course, I do.
It's kept somewhat of a secret.
A deathly secret.
Whenever I feel this way, I sleep a lot.
Because more sleep means less thinking.
Unless I dream. . .
That's why I slept for 12 hours last night.
These are the feelings that make me want to leave today.
Get on a plane and leave it all behind.

But what I really need to do is shake it off.

Because, when you look at my life, it is still really amazing and happy.

And I am leaving in about 2 months, which is crazy.

So, I have to live it up.

I can't let this one person get me down, like always.

I have to make this about me.

Me.

and only me.

Something I can never do, but I am going to try incredibly hard to do just that.

My best friend is in town!

And that's enough to make me happy for a lifetime.

Anyways, here is a cute pic:

iowefhsakyeuiawn.

askladfhjosdfhlaweuinksdfhjasduj

hfuahfnweuifxnqalskdfjhl

i can't even think right now.

or udder words.

ugh. 

oaihfsdljfhweuixhwn

idsmsadfhf

meh.

things that turn your day around.

new faces, far away places.

As the days pass by and it gets closer to 2.11.2013, my mind has become more and more overwhelmed with thoughts, questions, worries. 

It's true, and I know this, that I over think every situation, ever.

But how could I not over think this one? I am about to make a courageous move in the game of life.

and all I can do is sit and wait and wonder.

Until 2.11.2013

the day I leave for Mississippi for 10 months.

and even though I know this will be an amazing journey, I can't help but to think that I will hate it.

One good thing though: over the past couple of days, I have met (via Facebook) about 6 people who are also going to Mississippi on 2.11.2013

my thoughts are going to keep escalating, I know that, but I am just hoping my excitement will too.

well about seventy days until I go. . . 

night time thinker.

occasionally

every so often 

a few times a week

every day

every second of every day.

i think about every mistake, memory, laugh, cry, and moment.

those moments that are forever imprinted in your mind. . . 

even when you have tried everything to erase them, even magic erasers.

nothing, still there.

and it isn't easy.

just when I think that's it, my hearts like: "haha, yeah right."

boo heart.

and even though I adore Pinterest with every ounce of my being, 

i think it is the little fuel keepin' this love fire burnin'.

poetic.

ha.

this board.

and I sometimes think, STOP PINNING TO IT!

but I can't.

whateves homie g nizzle.

thug.

okay, sorry, it is late and I have not yet recovered from Black Friday.

. . .and then there is this last one.

this one that seems like I may have written myself.

because it perfectly describes my feelings.

and I can't stop reading and reading it.

thanksgiving, gobble gobble.

happy thanksgiving!

so thankful for:

• my amazingly supportive family who have given me everything. ♥
• candycanes and coffee. ♥
• friends that will always be by my side, forever. ♥
• cuddley scarfs, sweaters, and boots. ♥
• the most rewarding job, complete with a bestfriendboss. ♥
• the opportunities to come. . . AmeriCorps. ♥
• satin zebra sheets. ♥
• my little cuddle dog, Lilly. ♥
• Pinterest, Facebook, Instagram, and Blogger. ♥
• skype, always keeping me in touch with my faraway friends. ♥
• how beautiful Twin Falls is. ♥
• my personal trainer, Vanessa. ♥
• music, music, music. ♥
• texting. ♥
• my little purple car, Patricia. ♥
• talents that I have and have not discovered in myself. ♥
• the unknown future. ♥
• rain and snow. ♥
• christmassss. ♥

that sick feeling in your tummy.

i hate liars.

there is nothing worse than finding out you were lied to about something that was really important to you.

the feeling of betrayal sucks.

i hate having terrible nights like this.

i just want to leave this entire town and all of it's stupidity behind.

sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite

When you're living alone (even if it is just for 3 weeks). . .

you miss really silly, small things.

Like your family/friends telling you goodnight.

After a week of living alone, I miss it. 

A lot.

Besides that silliness, while I have been spending so much alone time,

I have been reminiscent of some events in my past.

Some good,

some bad.

But I am just glad I have the memory to allow those thoughts to come back.

It's so awesome that I can remember so much.

I really just love things like that.

I hope I am doing everything alright <3

Trip to Seattle with Kable in November?

I think yes.

Goodnight internet, xo.

feels like change

Just to start things off, I would like to tell a little facty fact about me. I overreact. About everything. About thoughts, life, people, words, feelings, EVERYTHING. I overreact and forget to think about my actions before I let them control me. It's not good, but it's something I am really trying to work on. The first step is recognizing you have a problem, right? 

Change happened tonight. And it feels so good. I didn't ever share this with my blogland, but a month and a half ago, my best friend and I had a terrible falling out. Which consisted of me overreacting and him just being human. This caused us to completely turn off our friendship and act like we'd never met. But then, just a week ago, I reached out. . .sorta. I started off the small talk, which turned into missing each other. We made plans to have dinner together tonight, and it was like we were back to where we were a few months ago. Talking, laughing, and just getting a long. :D And let me tell you, I feel like an enormous weight has been lifted off of my heart. I know that things will take a little while for us to be best friends again, but it is so great to have him in my life.

A lesson for the wise: forgive all people for they most likely deserve it. There is nothing better that renewing a relationship that was once broken, nothing. Be a forgiving person, use your heart, and push forward.

So happy there are still understanding people in this world.

A night used to reunite with one of the most caring individuals I have ever met. I love you. 

Reach Out.

Do you ever just want some one to reach out, grab your hand, take you into their arms, and tell you everything will be alright?

Of course you do.

Who doesn't? 

I really need that someone to come along right about now.

Needing a heartfelt hug, just because.

Not from my parents either.

I feel like everything is crashing down yet nothing is happening at all.

Why does this always happen?

I don't know.

But I do know that I can change this...

somehow.

There is nothing worse than feeling like you don't have anyone there, right?

Right. 

Ugh.

Dear Lindsey, Please get out of your slump. Love, Lindsey

Going to Vegas this weekend, hoping for the best... but who knows. 

It's not one of those fun trips, it's a family trip.

Meaning, we are cleaning out my Nana's storage unit.

Yuck. 

sakl;hd;fhjluhuwerqjsdbfv

Also, I want someone to just randomly text me cuz they miss me.

That's not happening.

Boo. 

Okay, I'm done rambling now.

Driving Myself Crazy.

There has been a lot going on in my head the past month. And I mean it, a lot. Not because anything big is happening, or someone said anything, or I experienced something. I guess it's just because I have too much time on my hands. Too much time filled with strenuous thinking. Let me just give you a run down of my typical day so you know just how much thinking I have time for:

Around 11:00 A.M. I finally roll out of bed, yes, I know I waste half of my day.

I then take a shower and slowly (I mean, slowly) get dressed and beautified.

I usually have to be at work at 2. Which means I have already taken about 3 hours to get ready, not because I need the time, but because I fill it with too much thinking and end up passing time just staring into the mirror and look at the girl staring back at me.

When I get to work, I sit at the computer. I talk to no one (unless the random passerby stumbles in) and think some more. This is usually accompanied with looking at people's Facebook profiles and really trying to figure them out.

I get off work at 6:00 PM, drive home, and fill about 2 hours of my time with my parents.

Lately I have been taking some time and just driving (a.k.a making my gas tank very, very sad.) I don't know where I am going, but I always end up somewhere peaceful to. . . yes, think.

When I arrive home from my spontaneous road trips, my family is either a.) asleep, or b.) not home.

So, I watch 1 episode of Friends. 

At this point it is usually midnight or so, but I am not tired.

That's when the hardcore thinking starts (and sometimes even tears). I just go sit in my room and think. About everything. About anything. Which I will do for hours, yes hours.

I said I think about everything, and I do, but truth is, there has been one thing on my mind lately. Who am I? I guess the reason I ask myself that is because I am so confused about what my path is in life, that I feel like I have been lying about myself for a long time. Here's why: Everybody always says that I am always so incredibly happy. . . but, I'm not. I even say that about myself in past posts, which is where the lies lay. I'm not happy because of a lot of reasons: I wonder if anyone really cares about me. If so, who? I wonder if I am doing the right things. I wonder if my family will be proud of me. I wonder if I say the right things. I wonder what would have happened if I would have done something else. I wonder who I should talk to. I wonder if I should say how I really feel. I wonder if I should tell people all of this, or how I feel about them, or all the emotions I have bottled up. But what kills me the most is wondering if people only like me for who they think I am.

Okay, this is really depressing and totally not helping me. It's just making me think more.

Also, I stayed up most of the night last night rereading The Perks of Being a Wallflower. If you haven't read this book, do it. I am not a reader, but I read this one in a few hours. The movie comes out on Friday, so watch that too. The reason I brought this up is because, (if you have read it, you'll understand) I feel like I am starting to turn into Charlie. The things he does/thinks. Yeah, that's how I have been living, which is really, quite depressing.

*And by the way, I got pulled over Saturday night. Watch for that story, it's a good one.*

losing sleep

This week has been. . . challenging. Not the type of challenging that makes it a tough terrible week, just the type that makes you constantly lose sleep. I have a lot on my mind, things like: my future, money, work, love, family. Ya know, the whole nine yards. I guess I am just frantically looking for some sort of guidance that will let me know that everything is okay. Besides that, I am terribly lonely. As I said in Goodbyes., many of my friends are moving away, but other than that, I feel like I am going to be at a stand still until I leave because there isn't really a way for me to be able to meet new people.

Honestly, I almost didn't even write this post, because I am supposed to be happy-go-lucky. . . but we all fall down sometimes. And I know I am just in need of a pick-me-up. A night with really good friends or a nice text message. You know, one of those little things that make so much of a difference in your life.

Trying to find some motivation? Look on Pinterest. That link will take you to my personal page where I got these pictures from: (Some of these aren't really motivational, but I always find it weird how I am constantly finding pins that are perfect for my life.)

Okay, so this is one of the biggest struggles I am having right now. I am missing so many people, even when I have just talked to them. And I always find myself wondering if I am ever missed. Especially by those that matter the most to me.